How Women Can Speak Up at Work

How Women Can Confidently Speak Up at Work

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Find Your Voice When You're Interrupted, Ignored, or Talked Over

When women stay quiet at work, they watch their ideas go unshared, their contributions go unrecognized, and their careers stall. Did you know that women are interrupted 10% more often than men in meetings, and we lose credit for our ideas 1.5 times more frequently? 

If you've been told to "speak up more" but feel punished every time you try or fear taking your first step toward finding your voice, Becky Farone, an ICF-certified career coach, shares five strategies to overcome this challenge with confidence. 

"Once you can trust that what you do, say, or think is okay with you," Becky explains, "this really gives you a lot of freedom and security to speak up and have the career and the life that you want."

Why Speaking Up Is Important: The Real Cost

The consequences of holding back extend far beyond the moment. Research reveals troubling patterns: 

• Findings from research analyzing over 24,000 Congressional hearings across 25 years show that women are interrupted 10% more frequently than men, and that when discussing issues particularly important to women, interruptions doubled (Cambridge University Press).
• Women who negotiate earn over $1 million more over their careers, yet research conducted by Linda Babcock, a behavioral economist, shows women ask for salaries 30% less than men.
• Women face greater social penalties for negotiating. Negative perceptions are twice as strong for women.
• Women expect salaries 3-32% lower than those of men. Female MBAs accept wages averaging $10K less.

These statistics represent lost promotions, diminished confidence, and the erosion of self-trust. But speaking up is a skill you can develop. It starts with self-authority, which gives you the courage to voice your opinion even when you are scared.

What Is Self-Authority?

Self-authority is the belief that you can think, say, and take action based on your own values and judgment, regardless of whether others agree or approve. It's the foundation that gives you freedom to speak up at work, in relationships, or in any challenging situation.

“Remember that whatever the other person is saying or doing has a lot more to do with them and not you," Becky notes. Claiming self-authority empowers you to take ownership of your life rather than following the will of others. 
 

What Really Keeps Women From Speaking Up

The Double Bind

Researcher Alison Fragale defines the "Double Bind" in her book Likable Badass: demonstrate competence and risk being seen as unlikable, or demonstrate warmth and be perceived as less competent. Either way, your status decreases.

“Women are not penalized for the presence of assertiveness. They are penalized for the absence of warmth.”

• Alison Fragale

Internal and External Barriers

Imposter syndrome affects over 90% of women. Becky offers this lens: "You could think of imposter syndrome as, ‘I'm not meeting my own really high expectations.’" This can present as self-doubting inner conversations like “I don’t know enough to contribute,” “I am afraid to disagree with other people,” or “They won’t listen to me.” 

In addition to inner critics, comments from others also keep women from expressing themselves. Their judgments might sound like “You are too direct,” “You are bossy,” or “She’s nice, but she doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

The Power Toolkit: 5 Strategies to Speak Up With Confidence

If you want to break the barriers and develop your skills to speak up, follow Becky’s tips. Pick one to experiment with, starting with the smallest, lowest-stakes situation.

1. Befriend Your Inner Critic
Those harsh voices saying you're not qualified enough aren't actually you. They're protective mechanisms from childhood in an attempt to keep you safe, which you don’t need as much anymore as an adult. 

First, understand what the inner critics are trying to protect you from. They might be trying to save you from embarrassment, rejection, or failure. Next, you can reframe your limiting beliefs. Write down the thought that's stopping you (e.g., "I don't know enough to speak up in this meeting"). Then write what you want to think instead (e.g., "My perspective adds value, and I can learn as I go").

Practice self-compassion. Ask yourself: "What would I say to a friend going through this?" Then say that to yourself. If your inner critic represents your younger self, respond as your wiser, older self would, with patience and encouragement.

2. Rewrite the “Good Girl” Narrative
The "Good Girl Programming" we inherit teaches us that authority figures such as teachers, professors, and parents always know best. This keeps us safe and successful in school, but it can severely limit us in our careers.

"It's time to create a new relationship to authority," Becky urges, "and keep some for yourself."

For example, before automatically deferring to your manager's opinion, ask yourself: "Does my boss actually know this, or am I assuming?" You might discover you actually know more than the authority figure about certain topics. When receiving a request, you can ask for clarification and context instead of just making assumptions.

Becky also points out that many women fall into the "Quietly Qualified" trap—believing that good work alone is enough to get recognized or promoted. It's not.

Use the "Brag and Thank" technique to make your expertise more visible: Acknowledge your contribution while thanking the team. Example: "I'm proud of how our team delivered the website update two weeks early. Sarah's design work was exceptional, Marcus kept us on track, and I worked closely with engineering to solve back-end challenges. Thank you all."

3. Blend Assertiveness With Warmth
Here's the key to navigating the double bind: blend assertiveness with warmth. Becky shares some practical tips:

• Avoid undermining speech patterns
  Remove “hedge” words and profuse apologizing.
  Example: Use “I am checking in…” instead of “I am just checking in…”
  “Thank you for your patience.” instead of “Sorry for the delay.“
• Declaring vs. asking 
  Make a statement assertively with strong reasoning. 
  Example: Say “I recommend we implement plan A because…” instead of “What do you think if we go with plan A?”
• Adding warmth to disagreements
  Demonstrate your appreciation for others’ input while still confidently expressing your point of view. Example: “I hear what you are saying and appreciate your thoughts. However, I have different opinions on this topic.”
• Speak with intention
  Often, due to fear of interruptions, women tend to speak fast. If you slow your pace down and open up time in the conversation, you increase your perceived status.

4. Be an Ally to Other Women
Another way to help yourself and other women build the courage to speak up is to form relationships. Becky suggests seeking out someone to back you up in meetings and lift each other up to amplify the impact. 

Call out microaggressions, interruptions, and exclusion right in the moment. "See it, say it," Becky encourages. When you witness someone being interrupted or talked over, speak up.

5. Radically Accept the Outcomes
“Finding your voice is not just about being able to speak up. It’s also about learning to take it when others don’t like it when you speak up,” Beck notes. Understand that not every attempt will work out perfectly. But each time you speak up, you're building your courage muscle. 

“Embrace courage and resilience,” Becky encourages. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” 

Your Next Step to Finding Your Voice in the Workplace

Finding your voice isn't a one-time event. It's practice. It's experimentation. It's building the habit of believing in your ability, judgment, and authority. Start by making a small change: Remove “just” from your emails, articulate your ideas in the next team meeting, or write down a limiting belief and reframe it. 

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